Fall potential

It’s a Friday morning, and I’m looking longingly out my office window into the September sun as four of the most capable people I know load the Otter for moose camp. Watching it, knowing the time of year, wishing it were me hopping in that plane for an adventure in the bush does something to me – it’s like a light switch is flipped on inside me, a little flame is lit.

“It’s almost time.” I feel it more than I think it.

Autumn is here, creeping up after a short, sweet summer full of adventure and laughter, and like every autumn I can remember, it holds so much unknown potential. I feel it more than I think it.

Days later in an orange valley beneath the rocks, a new friend I’ve known for a while walks a few paces ahead of me.

“I feel like being destructive,” the back of his head tells me. “I get that way in fall.”

I chuckle, and I don’t have to reflect, it’s already there on the tip of my tongue – I’ve been thinking about it over and over for a week.

“I always get the urge to pack up and run in the fall,” I say.

But this fall, I don’t. I haven’t left this place since I got here. I haven’t had the urge. I have actively NOT WANTED to go anywhere else. Some say the packing up and running is running scared. I don’t know if that’s true, but I don’t know what this exact opposite is, either. This fall, I want to stay. And I will.

The restlessness is still there, lighting up every part of my being, filling me with energy, making me happy, excited and a little reckless. But in a way where I want to play, not in a way where I want to run.

I want to see how this chapter plays out, not on the road or in a new place, but in this place on the edge of the wilderness I’m making my home, with the people I know and the people I will meet – I know I will, I can feel it in that potential.

I’ll run my own little trapline this winter, with the help of a good mentor. I’ll be on the land as much as I can, and when I’m not, I’ll be in the warmth of good friends, or huddled down in my cozy apartment. It’s a simple little life I’m making here, and right now, on the cusp of fall, everything is just right.

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